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Taboo – women’s money and men’s money

Learn the differences between women and men when it comes to money. How equality and financial independence influences how much money you have. And what you can learn from other people’s experiences with money.

Let’s talk about money, a topic I often see avoided. And when discussions on this topic arise, sparks fly in everyone.

I will discuss my experience with money and my experience with the financial podcast Money’s Talking (a podcast from Romania).

1. What are the differences between women and men regarding cash?

First of all, what do equality and financial independence mean? What influences whether or not you have money? And what can you learn from other people’s experiences with money?

 More about the differences between men and women can be found in All about women and All about men.

If our parents say money is the “devil’s eye” or the reward for our work. Our past experiences with money influence how we see and interact with it. 

We learn from our family whether or not to be confident in developing professionally. We understand that money is hard-earned; therefore, we don’t feel we deserve it when we earn it quickly and much more than we think we deserve.

Think about how you see money, and you’ll realize the influence of education and experience on the quantity you have.

Women learn how to save, and men know how to make money. This is primarily a matter of education.

Men are taught by their parents to work and be financially independent at a young age. Many tell me that they had to support the family or that no woman would look at them if they didn’t have money.

Women are taught to take care of the family but not necessarily earn money. They are trained to manage money by going shopping, setting the menu, how they decorate the house, and making other decisions like that.

At first glance, this is not a problem. But, financial decisions where you know how to make money and save it lead to success. Knowing only one of these things only leads to frustration and problems.

2. The wage difference between women and men is not about gender. 

It has to do with how you negotiate your salary, education, and chosen field of work.

Many of the contracts you make are discussed individually. If you are not confident in your knowledge and the value you bring to the company, you will demand and settle for a lower salary.

Why does the chosen field matter?

When it comes to salary, it matters what field you work in. If you stick to working as a commercial salesperson, don’t expect to have a high salary progression. Salary increases if you have something to develop towards.

Why does education matter?

As far as education is concerned, I’m not talking about diplomas. I’m talking about autodidacticism, where you learn everything your degree didn’t cover. 

Practical education gives you more confidence and proves you deserve a good salary. You have to look for internships, volunteering, and communities in the same field to give you practical advice.

Yes, it’s hard to say to yourself, “boy, am I stupid,” when you discover the discrepancy between your salary and others, but it’s a reality check. Neither women nor men talk about money for fear of being paid too little or too much. 

If we started talking more openly about our salaries, we could find or offer motivation to those who have been in this situation for a long time.

3. Equality between women and men regarding money does not exist.

Statistics compare the minimum wage of the two sexes, which depends on how many people work and in which fields. The problem is primarily because they compare apples and pears. They need to take into consideration the work field.

On the one hand, some women usually choose bad jobs like cleaning and commercial salesman, and many women get pregnant and stay at home on the right salary and then stop working.

And on the other hand, some men work much harder than women and choose better-paid jobs.

Secondly, equality understood as ” each one with his/her money,” is excellent in theory but a real relationship problem.

If one loses his job, does that mean you kick him out and don’t help him if he can’t find work? If one person has a lower salary and another has a higher one, does that mean you write down their debts in your notebook for what you pay them?

A couple’s relationship is about helping and encouraging your partner regarding professional development.

Equality does not mean being selfish. It means sharing what you have and treating others with the same respect, love, and appreciation you want to receive. And until we change the way we see equality, it won’t exist.

4. My family history with cash.

I come from a family with three children. When we were young, both my parents worked.

Because it was challenging to have someone to look after us when my parents were at work, my mother became a housewife. The situation wasn’t rosy with one income, although my father worked in the army. I remember that they often sent me to stay with my grandparents (I thought my parents were doing this because they didn’t love me, but when I grew up, I found out they were doing it because of money).

My parents have had bad luck with money for as long as I can remember. We moved to the countryside in the hope that it would be better. But, disease in birds, dogs, or other creatures ate what they made, they raised pigs and spent more to raise them than they earned, etc. 

My mother my significant influence

She tried to get a job but was demoralized by my father, so she gave up. 

Then there was a moment for my mom. Fed up with having to go shopping on debt to paycheck, washing in cold water, and my father’s words, “you are my bankruptcy,” she decided to find work abroad.

That’s what happened to most people who went abroad to work. They look for work abroad when they see that it doesn’t work.

And it is not easy. You could take care of violent people, or they can ask you the same questions a thousand times (Alzheimer’s). But, for us, my mother took care of old people.

The money from mom went to dad, and we had to account for any expenses.

To be honest, I don’t know what the money from my father kept going on because my sisters and I struggled with about 50 euros to eat for a whole month.

This experience strengthened me.

We learned to save from everything. We had a subscription to the reading at the library. It was cheaper. We scanned the books from schoolmates and made them into PDFs, so we didn’t have to pay for them. We walked so we didn’t have to spend money on bus passes. I studied well, so I received the scholarship, and that helped. We would buy and eat more soya, rice, and potatoes, and when we ran out of anything in the fridge, we would make water with flour heated up a bit.

Our greatest joy was when we started working. Because we felt we had money too.

After finishing school, I tried to get a job in my field but was required to do other studies, and I gave up because I wanted to work and not be a student all my life.

I worked as a commercial salesman for a long time. In the meantime, I was learning other skills online (Excel, Photoshop, etc.), which helped me to get into graphic design. Then, outside of work, I started learning how to make a website online, entered design competitions, etc. Helped by the online portfolio I made, the practical samples, and my self-confidence, I succeeded in what I wanted. After two years of working in graphic design, I took it to heart and quit and went into what I saw myself doing in the future (web design).

5. What have I learned from my experience with money?

Working in the countryside is a lot, and you can often come out at a loss (that’s why I never wanted to stay there).

I wish them luck to those who want to go to the country, but I’ve had enough and realized it’s not for me.

When you see that you can’t do something, try something else. 

It could be easier for me to give something up when I know I keep giving money and don’t get anywhere. Or it’s because I need to spend my time on things that need to be improved. Either way, this skill has served me well.

With shame, you starve. 

So don’t be shy about asking for the money you worked for. That was a saying my grandmother used to tell me. And, although I’m still nervous when I say that to myself, all shame goes away.

If you start borrowing, it will take a lot of work to get out of this vicious circle. 

It’s another thing I learned from my grandmother. It’s a piece of advice I listened to that made me feel remorse if I got into debt. Some people don’t have that feeling even if they owe you. And reminding them that they owe you makes you feel guilty. If we all had a sense of duty, much more good would be done.

Credit cards are a big temptation to consume more than you can afford, leading you into debt. 

I don’t have a credit card, but my parents took out loans at the bank for the car and other gardening tools. They paid more than they were making. I prefer, like Kiyosaki, to first save the money for what I want and then buy it.

When you pay with a card, it’s easier to give more than when you keep the money for cash purchases. 

You don’t tend to calculate what you put in the basket because you think you have more money on the card. Having the money on the card is OK, but a list from the home of the things you need and the cash to put it towards will help you save.

To earn extra money, you need to create new opportunities. 

If you wait at home in front of the TV, hoping that opportunities will come, you are dreaming. Think about what you’re good at and how you could turn that into a service or product. Who could help you do this, where can you advertise, and how can you get in touch directly with potential customers?

 These were the tips and things that helped me in terms of money.

I’m waiting for your thoughts on the article.

What did you learn from your experience about money?

Photo source: Unsplash.

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